


The Sink of Blood and Crushed Veneer

by sadhockeytrashbaby (allofthefandoms)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Mpreg, Multi, Near Death Experience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-06-07 23:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6830656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofthefandoms/pseuds/sadhockeytrashbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All any of them can do now is wait, wait for any news that their friend is alive, that their captain and leader hasn’t been crushed by the most impossible of losses with three children and an 8 month old baby waiting at home.  Finally coach returns back up the runway.  He looks pale and drawn and Tom is so sure the news is bad that he feels frozen in place, bile rising in his throat.</p><p>Or; Nicky almost dies and Tom gains some perspective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anon8771](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anon8771/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Juno](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4293981) by [anon8771](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anon8771/pseuds/anon8771). 



> First of all, if you haven't read anon8771's Juno Verse what are you doing with your life? Second of all, this fic won't make much sense without the following information: It's hard and dangerous for men to carry children. Nicky has four biological children, and suffered severe complications carrying his last child. This fic deals pretty heavily with that and the real world long term health effects of eclamsia and difficult pregnancy. While no miscarriage occurs, the fic deals pretty openly with the possibility of these issues.
> 
> Nonnie, thank you for letting me play in this wonderful sandbox. You're such an inspiration and a lovely person.

Tom is on the ice when he hears Alex start to scream.

It’s like someone has ripped his very soul out of him and play grinds to a slow, confused halt as his pleading cries only seem to grow. It’s readily apparent what’s wrong when Tom takes the time to look. Nicky is crumpled in Alex’s arms, pale and unmoving. As the crowd falls silent, Tom can hear they way he wheezes and it’s only moments before even that stops. Alex is murmuring, begging in a devastating mix of Russian and English and even a few words of Swedish as the trainers and doctors reach them and carry Nicky down the ramp towards the dressing room.

Tom thinks he’s going to be sick.

“He just…he just tipped over,” Burky says looking as sick as Tom feels. “Finished his shift, maybe was a little out of breath and then…” Tom’s own helplessness is completely mirrored in Andre’s face as they wait. Mike’s hand in the small of his back makes Tom start a little. He has to keep himself from just crumbling into the touch.

All any of them can do now is wait, wait for any news that their friend is alive, that their captain and leader hasn’t been crushed by the most impossible of losses with three children and an 8 month old baby waiting at home. Finally coach returns back up the runway. He looks pale and drawn and Tom is so sure the news is bad that he feels frozen in place, bile rising in his throat.

“Ladies and gentlemen, due to the extenuating circumstances, this game has been postponed. Centerman Nicklas Backstrom is currently stable and being transported to hospital for continued care after a severe cardiac event. Please keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers.”

They all file off stunned and exhausted even after playing less than a period. Tom can’t stop hearing Alex’s frantic cries, and every time he closes his eyes Alex’s red rimmed ones stare back at him. None of Ovi’s gear is in his stall, not even his skates, and that just makes the feeling of dread in Tom’s stomach grow. Everyone sags in relief when Trotz comes in to tell them that no one will have to do press tonight. 

“I need to see the kids,” Tom says to Mike, hands shaking as he redresses after his shower. He keeps having to stop to scrub at his eyes so the others won’t notice how close he is to tears.

“Are you sure you’re safe to drive?” Mike asks gently. Tom nods. Mike is still in his underarmor. He can’t wait for a taxi or for Mike to shower and change. His eyes sting the whole drive, but when he pulls into the driveway of the Backstrom-Ovechkin house, he feels his throat close up. He’s never been more thankful for a late game start as he his when the nanny tells him the kids are already asleep.

He pads quietly up to Catrin’s nursury, grabbing the sling so she can sleep pressed against his chest. Looking down at her, Tom can’t help but let out a soft sob. She looks so much like her papa already, even at 8 months old. Downy blonde curls frame a generous mouth and a button nose, and Tom has no idea how Alex will be able to even look at her if Nicky dies. Tom focuses on the steady rise and fall of her chest, on the soft sleepy snuffles she makes as she shifts slightly in his arms. He doesn’t mean to sleep, but between one breath and the next it’s suddenly morning, the nanny taking Catrin out of his arms and wordlessly handing him a clean change of clothes so he can come down for breakfast.

He manages a grin for the boys, but he can tell Sergei knows something isn’t right about Tom being here instead of his parents. The bus comes to take him and Anders to school and the nanny leaves Catrin with Tom as she drives Jakob to daycare. Catrin babbles happily as she plays with her breakfast more than she eats it, and if it wasn’t for the buzz of his phone, he would have forgotten entirely about practice. 

Alex will be there, Tom reminds himself as he drives. Practice isn’t optional today.

But Alex isn’t there. The coaching staff plays it down, but everyone knows what it means. Alex wouldn’t miss practice for anything short of an emergency. And no one has any news about Nicky save from what they were told the night before. No texts, no updates from the training staff, nothing. The dread makes Tom feel leaden, and finally after a mess of a skate, Trotz takes pity on them and let’s them file off early to watch tape.

Mike goes with Tom at the end of practice. Jakob launches himself at Mike, who spins him around before clutching him tightly. 

“When are papa and papochka coming home?” Tom feels his throat close as Mike gently explains why Alex and Nicky haven’t been home. He’s so good with kids, and not just these ones. It makes something ache in Tom’s belly, a fierce wanting that takes him utterly by surprise. It had been so long since he wanted kids of his own. Between liking men and being forced to hide his status, he just never let himself think about it. It might have been possible for someone like Nicky, angelic and soft, but not for Tom. Enforcers didn’t get to take time off to have kids.

The air in the house is subdued as the kids settle into their evening routine. Tom can’t put Catrin down as she naps, tucking her against his chest as he sits with Mike on the couch.

“God she looks so much like Papa,” he says softly, voice sad. They both know that the longer they go without news the more likely it is to be something serious, something Nicky won’t be able to come back from.

“Maybe…maybe we should see about visiting, Tom murmurs.

“And deal with Ovi? I love them, but you remember how much of a mess he was after Cat was born. I’m not touching that with a ten foot pole, especially…” Mike trails off, but Tom still hears what goes unspoken. Especially if Nicky is dying.

Tom wipes his face and Catrin gives an unhappy snuffle as she’s jostled. Tom rocks her in apology and she settles. The not knowing is the worst part, Tom thinks as he looks at her. They settle into the evening routine as best as they can when the two oldest boys get home, but the house is subdued. 

There’s a commotion as Tom and Mike are putting the kids to bed. Tom is halfway down the stairs before he notices it’s Alex and freezes.

Alex looks awful. His face is drawn and pale, and Tom has never seen him so wan and defeated, not even after game 7 losses in the postseason. Tom’s stomach is churning with dread and he can’t even move, let alone speak.

“Nicky please…you just got home, be gentle.”

Wait…

What?

“Alex I’m fine.” That’s definitely Nicky’s voice. “You heard the doctor. I’m only at risk if I’m doing strenuous physical activity or if I’m severely dehydrated. And with the medication they gave me, I’m highly unlikely to have another episode like this one ever again. Stop treating me like glass.” 

“Thought you die!” Alex shouts, voice hoarse with fear and exhaustion. “Collapse in my arms, not breathe!”

“Don’t wake the kids with your yelling,” Nicky says sharply. “I don’t—Willy?” Tom jerks guiltily, coming down the stairs and folding Nicky gently into his arms for a hug.

“Thank fucking God.”

“Tom?” Nicky seems taken back by Tom’s emotions, but Tom doesn’t let him go, not even when Mike joins their hug.

“Didn’t expect you two to be here,” Nicky says softly.

“Thought you were dying,” Tom mumbles into his collarbone. Nicky pulls back to really look at Tom and Mike and their devastated expressions.

“The medical staff didn’t tell you what was going on?” Tom shakes his head and Nicky frowns.

“That settles it then,” he says jaw set. “I’m coming to practice tomorrow. Not to skate,” he says, heading off any argument. “The team is my family too, and I know that you two aren’t the only ones worrying about me if no one told you what was going on.” Alex heaves a sigh, and Tom smiles. It’s obvious they had been arguing about it, and Tom feels a swell of fondness.

“Papa?” Sergei is standing at the top of the stairs, rubbing his eyes and Nicky is up the stairs two at a time to pull his oldest into his arms before anyone can stop him. Nicky buries his face in the boy's dark curls, the first display of real emotion Tom has seen from him that evening. It’s clear that Nicky is as shaken as the rest of them as he holds his son.

The locker room is raucous when Nicky comes in the next day, Catrin nestled against his chest. It’s obvious that the whole team had been apprehensive and worried, and the release of that tension makes everyone extra emotional. Tom swears he even sees tears in Trotz eyes as he hugs Nicky before scolding the team for being late.

Nicky sits right on the glass at the game that night, Sergei and Anders bouncing beside him and Catrin nestled on his chest. (Jakob, to Alex’s endless chagrin, prefers drawing to hockey and stays home whenever he’s given the choice.) The cameras catch Ovi blowing him a kiss after he scores his second goal and the crowd goes wild. Something inside Tom finally eases. Things will be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

Tom curls up as much as he can around the air cast as he waits on the couch for Mike to come home. The injury is awful, and the waiting is worse. Everything aches now, even the parts of him that aren’t technically injured, and all he can hear are the voices of reporters that day he’s outlived his use. The team is winning, the team is winning without him, and the fear sticks in the back of his throat during late nights staring at the ceiling in a too big bed. He’s so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn’t hear the door open, or notice Mike until he’s plopped down on the couch, pulling Tom close. 

“What’s eating you?” Mike asks gently, nudging Tom with his shoulder.

“I…there’s something I need to tell you.” Tom feels Mike stiffen beside him, the hand on his knee tightening.

“I…I’m a carrier,” Tom blurts unable to meet Mike’s eyes. “I…I haven’t told anyone. I mean, medical knows but…but after everything with Nicky…I had to tell you…”

“Oh my God are you pregnant?” Mike’s whole face lights up, making Tom flush bright red.

“No, no I have and an implant from the moment I learned I was a carrier! But…but I think I’d like to be…I mean, if you don’t want to, we can always adopt ,“ Tom hurriedly adds, still embarrassed and red. “But…but I hurt all the time now. Maybe…maybe I should retire, have kids before my body gives out…”

“Tom, I would be honored to be the father of your children,” Mike says softly, and his expression is so full of love and wonder that Tom can’t help but smile.

. .

Going off the hormones is hellish.

Tom had decided with the advice of medical to take out the implant while he was still on long term injured reserve. They had told him in no uncertain terms that nearly a decade on powerful hormones would mean side effects, and Tom is feeling it now. He’s bloated, sore and emotional and the worst part is that Mike is gone on a 5 game road trip and won’t be back for two weeks.

It’s day five when he finally breaks, knocking on Nicky and Alex’s door, eyes red and puffy from tears. He’s never been more thankful that they both retired after Nicky’s medical scare than he is right now. Nicky takes one look at him and steers him to the couch, placing a sleeping Catrin in his arms. It’s enough to make Tom burst into tears.

“Everything’s awful, Nicky,” he blubbers. “My feels are swollen, I feel bloated all the time and I’m never full even when I’m eating twice as much as usual, and Mike isn’t even here and I miss him so much.” Nicky frowned, looking even more confused and concerned.

“And I might not be enough be able to conceive even if I do go off these fucking hormones. It’s been the better part of a decade on the strongest shit they have because only a fucking weak fag carries their own kids. Not a big, strong enforcer.”

“Hey,” Nicky scolds mildly, not really offended. He knows what the more unsavory types and said when he was carrying and playing. Tom looks immediately ashamed, ducking his head, and Nicky pulls him close.

“I didn’t know you were a carrier.”

“Mike was the first person I told outside my immediate family and medical staff and that was only a few weeks ago,” Tom confesses. “I just…my dad was so devastated when he found out. Told me I’d never have a career…so I just hid and hid and pretended it wasn’t true. Wasn’t until I saw you…playing and leading and carrying, that I thought it could be different for me too…and Mike…God Nicky he’s so excited and he’s going to be such a good dad.”

“One way or another it will happen,” Nicky promises. “And what are you going to do about next season?”

“I…I’m going to retire. Everything hurts and I just…a kid deserves a mom who can keep up, you know? I don’t want to be concussed and hobbling. I want to be able to play ball hockey in the garage, help them with homework and stuff like that…” They both look down for a moment. The cost of this sport is high, and they both know it.

“I just…Mike is the first person who’s ever made me think about life after hockey, of what I want that to be like…and I want to be able to share all of that with him.” Nicky pulls him close, smiling softly.

“A family is an amazing gift.” Even through his tears, Tom can’t help but smile.

. . 

He announces both his carrier status and his intention to retire at the same press conference, Mike pressed on one side and Coach Trotz on the other. When it’s over, Tom is surprised to feel like nothing really changed. Mike is still hanging off his as he gets ready for his first game back, the locker room jovial and light. The team is doing well, locked in for the playoffs, and everyone is feeling good.

This room is home. The people here are home. Knowing that playing is going to end doesn’t seem to have any bearing on that at all. He looks up at Mike, smile tender, and the team hoots as they kiss.


End file.
